Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
