Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
