I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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