I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize