make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
