Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry about my life...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
