we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
