I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
