So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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