Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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