Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
