I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
