I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
