Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you inspire me to be a worse person
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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