I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize