who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
