cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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