i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
