Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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