just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
