Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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