Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
