I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
