Just took my morning after pill in the library
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
where are my eyebrows?
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