I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
