dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize