just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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