I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
