I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize