Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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