i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
