Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
