thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize