Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
