Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
