JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
