Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I need a burrito and a hug.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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