Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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