Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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