We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
