Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
