also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
