I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
