YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
