I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
jump out the window naked night went bad
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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