why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
