I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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