I accidentally had phone sex last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
