i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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