Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize