how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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