I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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