im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
