Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Randomize
