I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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