having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
