I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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