So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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