do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
