nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
