remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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