yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize