Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
