sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
