Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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