What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
50% drunk capacity currently
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
