does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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