he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
