I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
