It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
