Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
