I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
